finished.

So, today was the last day on my journey to run every day for a week. I got up this morning and headed out the door. I ran about a mile, mile and a half total before walking a few blocks home... a good end to the week. I feel confident that today is not the last time I will ever run... but I also feel really confident that tomorrow I will not get up and go running. So. The verdict is, day 7, I still *mostly* hate running. There was that first day- one week ago- when I got home and just felt good and like I'd accomplished something. I'll try to remember that feeling & ignore the other days. Maybe come Tuesday I'll head out for another days run...

5 and 6... so close to done.

So, yesterday I didn't write about my running experience because, well, there was nothing notable to write. Really, today was the same. My great hope a few nights ago that I'd wake up one of these mornings and decide that running really is just so worthwhile has worn off. Tomorrow will be the last of my 7 day commitment and I'm looking forward to not having this obligation I put on myself anymore. I think there is a chance I'll run from time to time... but there's also a chance I won't. I just truly don't enjoy it. Part of that, I'm sure, is that I don't run enough- even this week I've really only run about a mile in total each day- I usually make myself walk for awhile too so I'm gone 20-30 minutes, but its just not enough.

We'll see what happens next week... but I will say- Saturday morning running is probably my least favorite. I hung out with a friend last night and didn't get home until around 1 this morning and then was hoping to go to an art festival this afternoon so in order to get a run in before I needed to leave I had to set an alarm. Alarms just shouldn't go off on Saturday mornings! Oh well. I survived it. We'll see what happens!

I've made it over halfway... sort of.

Today was day #4... of 7... so I've run more days than I have left to run. But todays run was LAME. I had breakfast plans with a friend so I set my alarm for 7am (yes, I do realize in the real world this is not early, in unemployed world however, this is the earliest I've been up in almost a month.) I crashed early enough last night that 7 shouldn't have been painful, but the honest truth is I just struggle in the mornings, so I got up, brushed my teeth grabbed my ipod and headed out. I ran to the park. But talking myself even into that was tough. I wanted to quit and walk several times. My legs are still sore- not as bad as yesterday though, it was mostly just that I felt tired before I even started running I think.

However, after my lame run today, I'm going to bed with my legs feeling fairly decent... and tomorrow I'm sleeping until I wake up (aka not setting an alarm) and am feeling strangely hopeful and excited. For some reason in my head day #5 is going to be the turning point. Getting up and running tomorrow will be the day when this doesn't suck. Ha- tune in tomorrow to see if that's the truth...

the problem with running is...

So, here's the thing. Walking is my main source of transportation... well, that's an exaggeration I suppose- walking and the bus, but, to get on the bus requires walking and to get anywhere from the bus requires walking and if I'm going someplace within a one mile radius I generally just walk.

Walking sucks when you've been running. I woke up this morning with sore legs once again (this time I was much less surprised by it though- so that's good right??) went and picked up my neighbor and we jogged down to the park. We walked around the park and then jogged part of the way back home. Better than day 2, still not as good as day 1 and the end gain, the feeling of success that came after that first days run is still missing. But tomorrow is another day.

... sadly tomorrow I need to be up and going earlier. I hate setting an alarm as an unemployed person! haha Just kidding... but it is funny to me that after a summer of being up and going by 7 (at the latest most of the time) each morning I'm now struggling to drag my butt out of bed at 7:30. My how quickly my body clock changes!

wonder, awe, beauty in the world...

I believe in the power of wonder, awe and choosing to see beauty in the world around you.

I just saw a preview for the movie version of "Where the wild things are" and just got overwhelmed with this knowledge that I have to see that film. Its the same way I felt about Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium... as I sit here thinking about that movie I want to go to Wal-Mart and buy it and watch it. I need a good dose of wonder, a good reminder of how very big life is, how very big the adventure of getting up each day and living should be.

I feel that lately I've allowed the shine to wear off of life.

"Love the moment and the energy of that moment will spread beyond all boundaries." Corita Kent

This has long been one of my favorite quotes... Corita Kent, her art, her life, her legacy are all things that motivate and astound me. If you don't know who she is, google search her. haha. She's fantastic. But that's not the point of this post.

Getting back to the point...

This thought- these ideas of the wonder of life... I genuinely believe that is how God calls us to live- in awe and wonder of His great creation, His great love for us, His power. So why don't I? Why, when I've got all the time in the world, do I sit in my apartment, playing on facebook or watching silly TV that I don't even kind of care about? Why don't I spend more time out on adventures? Why don't I say hello and talk to anyone and everyone I can? Learn their stories, show them love, embrace life.

This is a lot of rambling, but hey, that's what I do best. Think, ramble, hope. I'm realizing though that this is the change I need in me... well, not this as in the rambling, instead this idea of loving each moment and allowing the energy of that to catapult me, to spread beyond that moment- that's how I must live. That's how we should all live I suppose...

Day 2... oy.

So. Today I actually had things to do (aka interview for a job for over 3 hours...) which meant I had to set my alarm and get up to go running. When my alarm went off this morning I definitely didn't want to move... I hit snooze once and considered hitting it a couple more times, but then remembered I'm a grown up and I can be committed to things so I got out of bed, brushed my teeth and started down the stairs...

Here's the problem though, as I was getting out of bed and brushing my teeth I realized I am sore. My legs hurt. Not to the point that I couldn't go run, but to the point that I felt whiny about it. so, I went to see if my neighbor was up for the journey this morning, but timing didn't work out so I took my ipod and headed out.

This morning felt much less successful and victorious. I ran about a mile out to the park and then a bit further... then decided to walk for awhile, headed back toward the house fully intending to run again at some point in the journey... but well, that mostly failed. So. I did run this morning, but I feel like its going to be a long sore week. hahahaha

Speaking of lists...

So, I have this list of things that I want to do before I die. Some things are completely silly and ridiculous, some are a challenge to myself, some are dreams I sometimes forget I once dreamed... As I've been living life as an "funemployed" human being I've been thinking I should really start hammering out some of the things on the list, but alas, many of them require spending money and traveling (darn my wanderlust tendencies). However, there is one thing on the list that requires only time and well, discipline. I want to run for 7 days straight to see if at the end of the 7 days I hate running as much as I did at the beginning...

So I got up this morning and decided it was time to go for it. Its starting to feel like fall so 8am is still good running weather (in my humble opinion anything above 70 is just WAY too hot for me to run in haha) and well, I've got the time. I put on my "running shoes" aka my sneakers that aren't converse and went down the stairs. I stopped in to say hello to my neighbor and ask them not to lock me out and my wonderful friend asked me to wait 10 minutes so she could get ready and go with me. So, I sat and played with her kids for a bit and then off we went.

We ran down to Humboldt Park, walked around the park and then ran back. The run to the park was great. Its just under a mile from our door to the park and when we were about a quarter of a mile away you could see the park in the distance and I knew what I was running toward... The walk around the park was also enjoyable. I forget how beautiful it is down there. The run back was rough. It was harder to know how far we had to go and I was tired from the previous run/walk- but having my friend with me pushed me to push myself and her at the same time.

So. day one was successful and left me wanting to give day 2 a shot. We'll see what happens...

another list...

I'm realizing just how much in life I like to make lists. I don't know when this happened. Being a human that tends to lack structure (and enjoy the lack of structure) in my life, I'm not sure what the paradox is that I love lists and organize my closet... maybe I'm a closet type A, just too afraid of the ramifications of that truth to admit it. but I don't really think so.

Anyway, below you will find a list of things I want to learn but lack the motivation and gusto to do so. Feel free to pick one and kick my butt about it until I take the necessary steps to make it happen...

Things to learn:

1. Spanish. My life would be so enriched by learning spanish, I could interact so much more with so many people in my neighborhood and in the world in general

2. Intercessory prayer... I whole heartedly believe in it, feel God calling me to it for so many people, yet due to a lack of understanding, I get overwhelmed too easily and forget about it.

3. Community Development and systemic change... I've got a few books that I keep thinking I'm going to read to learn more about the ideas of systemic change that need to happen in the world around me- I start in on them, but I'm such a here and now person, the big picture things are sometimes too lofty for me. That doesn't mean I get to give up on them though.

4. How to play the guitar. There's a perfectly good guitar sitting at my parent's house right now that technically belongs to my brother, but I'm fairly certain he'd be okay with me taking it... I just need to get it to Chicago and then actually PLAY until I get good. :)

5. Photography. I love pictures, I love taking pictures, I want to learn how to take good pictures. This is art I can understand and interact with, I really want to...

6. Cars... Life goal #567 (okay, I really don't know if its 567... actually I know my list doesn't go that high) is to fix up an old classic car. I feel due to my tendency to be a hands-on learner though, I need to find someone who already knows this trade and is willing to let me hang out...

that's the list for now. there's other things. but for now, this is enough. If I could make these 6 things happen, what a different person I'd be. :)

a thought to be developed at a later date...

I want to change the world. I want to make a difference, an impact, leave a legacy. I want to be someone exceptional, I want to be a catalyst for a better world. I want to change the world.

Yet. as I sit here, I realize, I can't even manage to change myself.

Epic fail.

Attempting to learn.

No more excuses.

Things I would like to find in the next month...

1. A job that I can fall in love with.

2. A mentor... that's a grown-up, who could potentially help me sort out the chaos I've turned my life into.

3. A fantastic place to see live music that's cheap.

4. A handful of friends that are ready for adventures in the city.

5. A bible study... where I am challenged to study the bible more regularly and think logically, intellectually and analytically about my faith and what scriptures say.

6. White cheese dip in the city.

7. One more roommate. Anyone interested??

8. Someplace to volunteer and spend time with teenagers.

Hmmm... better get to work. :)

I have so much to learn...

Well, its been awhile. Here's what I've learned about myself, I like the idea of a blog way more than actually blogging... I get a little overwhelmed when it comes time to actually write posts- I'm too much of a perfectionist when it comes to writing I suppose. Anyway...

The summer came and went. It was a wonderful mix of insanity, joy, frustration, challenge and laughter. I got the opportunity to get to know some amazing people- the staff I supervised all cracked me up and just brought me so much joy- even in the crazy crazy moments. Joy was chosen this summer and I appreciate that immensely. My co-workers and other random friends I met through the summer were also all fantastic, and those friends who were always willing to have nice long sit down talks with while I was driving all over the world helped me keep my sanity so well.

I realized as I was thinking through this summer and the last year of my life- I have spent a TON of time alone the past 12 months... living alone last year left me with PLENTY of alone time (sometimes too much, haha- I don't know that I'd say I always used that time productively, oh well!) and then this summer each week I'd spend quite a few hours in the car driving from place to place each week and generally spent each Friday all alone typing up reports. Now that I'm back living with a roommate and good friends around, I'm intrigued to see what happens when this alone time starts to get eaten up. I love people, that's the truth of who I am and will never change, but I also love my down time- I love being quiet and still and taking time to just think (sometimes I've found I think far TOO much...).

The above paragraph feels a bit like an incomplete thought... but I'm still figuring out what I think about all that. hahaha

After the summer I had an amazing chance to take a little break and head out to California for a week. I got to spend a little quality time with my brother. I tend to forget just how much I enjoy spending time with him- but being out there just reminded me. I like that kid. He's pretty funny and just an all around good guy. I appreciate that about him. I got to see a handful of other friends as well and went with a few girls that were friends from YouthWorks so it was fun to tell summer stories and all that good stuff. The only downfall of the LA trip is that... well, I didn't want to leave!! Not even kind of... to the point that I may have kind of tried to miss my plane. But. I didn't. I got back here to Chicago, safe and sound and am trying to carve out a life for myself here. We'll see how it goes...