Confession, I'm a feedback-aholic.

So, I am currently in Fort Wayne visiting my family/taking a week to step back from all the insanity of my recent days. There is always this strange phenomenon that happens when I come home with lots on my mind...
Last night I got to my parents house around 11:30pm and was pretty much prepared to drop my suitcase and climb into my bed, but instead, I found myself going through my old preaching portfolio from college, reading and re-reading the feedback I got from my peers as well as my professor. Its funny to realize that when the world starts to seem out of control, what I turn to is the feedback that reminds me I am capable... but also that reminds me of areas that I've been told/shown I need to grow. I think what was most insteresting when I looked at the clock last night and realized I'd stayed up until 2am sitting on my old bedroom floor with my college notebooks spread all around me was that I was making lists in my head of things I STILL need to be working on and I found comfort in that.
I've always said I'm not someone that is in need of a lot of encouragement and the older i get the more I realize that I am pretty much the same amount correct and incorrect about that. I don't need an ice cream cone- the pats on the backs and good jobs that people offer easily and daily. I can live without those, not that I don't appreciate them when they are offered (okay, lets be honest, I don't, but I'm working on it...) but for me that is not what is encouraging. I am most encouraged by feedback, good and bad. When someone takes the time to tell me if I'm doing something well or what I need to do to be able to say I'm doing a job well I feel, well, almost inspired. Feedback and direction. I'm addicted. I love them. I thrive with them... but when its missing, I find myself complacent and overwhelmed.
I think my love of feedback is something I appreciate about myself... but I'm finding that my dependence (read:addiction) on feedback is causing me some struggles. Being that I can't cope/function fully without it leaves me very dependent. (note, my deep need for independence/recent realization that being dependent on others is not entire negative is a WHOLE other topic...) If I don't have a supervisor/mentor/someone in my life who is willing to give me honest feedback, I start to falter.
This is becoming quite the rambling... i guess what I'm saying is... I'm addicted to feedback of others, I need to learn to be okay with my own internal feedback... but in the mean time if you want to tell me how I'm doing, I'd love it. :) haha