Life's not fair

Last week I was heading to a friend's house up on the northeast side of Chicago- I had just gotten off the train and was walking the few blocks to her home while talking with a friend on the phone. I noticed a police car slowing down beside me and immediately felt a little parnoid- worrying that in my distracted state I'd somehow broken some sort of walking law. A moment later the car pulls into the drive a half a block in front of me and the officer steps out and stops a couple walking in front of me- asking for their ID, what they'd been doing that night etc. The couple was just walking along- just as I had been (except maybe less distracted as they weren't on phones!). I was baffled by this. I'd heard people in my life talk about being stopped by the police when they were walking, my neighbor jokes that he can't leave the house to walk to the garage without ID, just in case- but I always thought it was just jokes. I have found myself wondering time and time again in the past week why this officer saw fit to stop this man- to keep him from his intended destination.

A little less than a month ago, while I was out working, my roommate was startled in the middle of the night by the sound of gunfire- shots had been fired just across the street from our house. She got out of bed and discovered that in addition to the gunfire, a car that was parked on the street had been set on fire. I got home at about 6am the next morning and she filled me in as she got ready to head to work- it just all seemed surreal. I'd heard gunshots from my old place and even once since moving here- but to have it that close...

Reality is a hard pill to swallow. To walk home at night and see kids that should be tucked in bed out running around cursing at each other, to see men and women standing on the corner begging for mercy- for help, to watch people as they get on the bus just to get out of the elements for a little while, it can all get to be too much. I find myself wishing to go back to my former life, to go back to a place where the reality of the inner city doesn't have to be known, or at least to find away to hide myself from it somehow. I struggle to know how to deal with these realities. I realize its not my job to fix them all, but I also realize its not my place to stand back and pretend injustice, corruption and pain do not exist.

Once again as I sit here writing- I feel like this is all just an incomplete thought. I miss being able to write out what I'm thinking and being able to come to some logical conclusion.. beyond that life's not fair.