Question of the day… What would you do with your life if money, resources, time, talents, whatever else you may find to stand in your way, were not an issue? How would you use your days? What would you do?
It breaks my heart a little to admit that I’ve come to a point in my life where I genuinely do not know. I’ve been here before, when I got to college I had burned myself out I think, I was lost and void of dreams and vision. I was blessed to have a dear friend/mentor come into my life and challenge me to live in freedom… and I did, for a while, a couple years I’d say- I lived in the freedom and knowledge that I serve a God that is bigger than me. I had fun with life- I went on adventures. I dreamed big and stepped off a couple cliffs- always knowing that at the end I’d either grow some wings or someone would catch me… or that I’d at least be tough enough to take the fall. And sometimes I did fall, sometimes I got bruised up, I got my heart a little stepped on, but through it all, I was alive. So very alive.
But in the last year and a half or so (maybe longer…) I’ve slowly slid back into this human nature thing that tells me that I need to do something logical. I need to plan and plot things out. That the feeling in my gut that tells me I am LIVING, that I am in the center of God’s will comes second to the #’s in my bank account that tell me I can survive another 20 years.
There are all these little magical moments I can think back to over the last year or so when I had glimpses of who I want to be, who I found I could be, who I think God has made me to be, but then fear creeps in (and by creep I mean invades like the allies on the beaches of Normandy during D-Day) and I find myself back trying to figure things out on my own.
I was talking with a friend recently about this sudden realization that I’ve got a death grip on my life. I don’t know when it happened that I even started holding on again, but now it seems I can’t let go. I’m consumed with thoughts of financial responsibility, knowing that someday I’ll probably want to retire and in order to do that I need to plan well… what happened to the days where I said- Hey, if I make it to 26 I’ll be doing well. ??
Today my prayer is a return to freedom. A return to the knowledge that the world IS big and scary- but that my Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills and as long as I’m following His lead, I need not worry.
Here’s to freedom to dream again…
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Oh, man, that's a question I've grappled with for years now. If money and time and location were no object, I would do so many things....become a registered dietitian, become a personal trainer, help my mother-in-law grow her dog rescue into a rescue/training/dog park adventure. So many things. And I'm definitely not one for letting things go and not being in control. I'm constantly stressed about money and where I'm going to be in the coming years, and let me tell you, it's not fun. For someone with no control over these things, I sure worry about it an awful lot. But I think that while you should plan and make sure you'll be okay, that should be in the back of your mind, not the forefront. Yes, it's important to have a plan, but I can't tell you how many hours/days I've wasted planning and not living.
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